I need to get better.

Okay, so today has been a pretty depressing day for me.  I have had so much running through my head and seem incapable of switching it off. If I make any one of my goals reality, the one I need to work on is self worth and happiness. I need to straighten myself out and get on track. I need to keep myself busy and do what I need to do to make myself better. Really.

I love a friend of mine, but him out of all people should understand that letting go of something can become troublesome. I understand he is a mutual friend of both Athena's father and myself, but I just do not see how he cant understand why I feel the way I do.  I really do know he wants me to feel better and is pushing for what needs to happen, I myself know I need to drop this shit and move on; but when the father of your daughter has wronged you, it seems really tough to move on and ignore.

My problem is, that I dont think about things for a good amount of time and then it sneaks back up on me and punches me in the face.

Here is a little background on my baby's father.  We had broken up 4 months into my pregnancy for quite a few reasons.  Our relationship was just falling apart quickly.  I do take responsibility for my actions and part in the train wreck but he hasn't and will not take responsibility for anything. I believe that he does not feel that he had done anything wrong.

Well he has now done a zillion things wrong.  He hasnt asked about his daughter in the 13 weeks of her life. It frustrates me to no end.  He also has another child on the way. I found out that he got his girlfriend pregnant right after I broke up with him. So she was pregnant at the time I had my baby.  *Sigh*

Well I am done with this topic at the moment. I have just had the blues lately because I have been stuck at home and havnt been able to socialize like I would like to. I just need some contact =( Either way I need to keep busy.

Getting Started.

Okay, So I am looking into getting my blog started and it is kind of difficult for me.  I  mean with everything that is going on at home and just getting to post is bleh.  I have to get on a schedule or something.  Any tips?

Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day to all mothers out there!  I just had dinner with my mom and grandmother for my first Mothers day =) There are 4 generations of us =) Technically 5 because of my great great grandmother who lives in New Mexico. Either way I had a good day. I got my hair done and had a great dinner.  Athena is restless tonight. She hasnt had a GOOD nap all day long because she fights sleep so bad, so now she is pretty frustrated. I think she is finally giving in. I mean its been ALL day.

I got a surprise this morning at the door. >.<  I got Mothers Day flowers from my dad which made me feel pretty happy. I havnt gotten flowers like that before. I mean I wasnt expecting anything let alone from him. So that was nice. Really nice.

I guess cleaning is a never ending chore.  Sometimes I feel like my own worst enemy. I go through spurts of laziness and leave everything in my wake. Bleh, how annoying.

FUCKERS ON THE ROAD

I was on the road today and I realize I have a bit of road rage. I contain it rather well I think, but I have been noticing it more and more.  More so after I got into my accident a few weeks back.  Guess how it happened; I got distracted! Luckily I didnt put myself into the percentage that includes cell phones, because that was not the case.  Im not exactly sure how I did not notice the car, but I just kinda boom. =( It wasnt too bad.

Well anyway, I think my BIGGEST pet peeve has to be turn signals. They are there for a reason people! FUCK!!!!

You know that moment when you need to get over and you turn your blinker on? If there is someone in that next lane over they tend to chill out there, but then you try to speed up to get in front, they speed up. GRRR Or you slow down to get behind them, they decide to slow down.  They see your turn signal and do it purposely or are just not paying attention. Why do people do this? Am I imagining this?

Cell phones are another issue I have.  Yes, I have been guilty of it, but it usually happens at a stop light when it is a text and when I am on surface streets on a call (which is rare) and most of the time it is on speaker.  Today a woman nearly side swiped me because she was blah blah blah on her phone! wtf.

Either way people need to pay attention on the road! I know I have been even more and you should too!

Thoughts

Whew!  So, today was a very eventful day.  I got the majority of the house clean! Over the last few days I have been working on cleaning up the house.  As one of my goals, I have decided to get the house clean area by area.  I have come to terms that the kitchen will generally always have some sort of mess lol. For the time being at least.

I have decided that I am going to make it a point to get something accomplished around the house each day. Over the last week or so, I have gotten the house to where I can simply pick up throughout the day.  I still have areas to work on like my  closet, the hall closet, my moms room, and the garage to name a few. I am proud of myself none the less.

I want to develope good habits so they will be a little easier as baby Athena gets bigger. I want to teach her healthy habits! I am working on my weight at the moment, and I know that is going to be a long road ahead.  I am a compulsive eater and I know that I have an addiction. I love food and it is hard to have that will power to push me through.  Soda is my number one enemy that I need to shoot in the face. Seriously. Today is my second day without soda. My goal is to go for a month. I know I can do it, because I have done it before.

I am also trying to eat healthier day by day.  My portions have already been reduced and I feel like I am making some sort of progress with myself.   I understand the concept of eating healthy. My main issue is the massive over eating, and the temptation of foods that I know I should not be eating.

This is about it for the night.

Cheers.