I need to get better.

Okay, so today has been a pretty depressing day for me.  I have had so much running through my head and seem incapable of switching it off. If I make any one of my goals reality, the one I need to work on is self worth and happiness. I need to straighten myself out and get on track. I need to keep myself busy and do what I need to do to make myself better. Really.

I love a friend of mine, but him out of all people should understand that letting go of something can become troublesome. I understand he is a mutual friend of both Athena's father and myself, but I just do not see how he cant understand why I feel the way I do.  I really do know he wants me to feel better and is pushing for what needs to happen, I myself know I need to drop this shit and move on; but when the father of your daughter has wronged you, it seems really tough to move on and ignore.

My problem is, that I dont think about things for a good amount of time and then it sneaks back up on me and punches me in the face.

Here is a little background on my baby's father.  We had broken up 4 months into my pregnancy for quite a few reasons.  Our relationship was just falling apart quickly.  I do take responsibility for my actions and part in the train wreck but he hasn't and will not take responsibility for anything. I believe that he does not feel that he had done anything wrong.

Well he has now done a zillion things wrong.  He hasnt asked about his daughter in the 13 weeks of her life. It frustrates me to no end.  He also has another child on the way. I found out that he got his girlfriend pregnant right after I broke up with him. So she was pregnant at the time I had my baby.  *Sigh*

Well I am done with this topic at the moment. I have just had the blues lately because I have been stuck at home and havnt been able to socialize like I would like to. I just need some contact =( Either way I need to keep busy.

Getting Started.

Okay, So I am looking into getting my blog started and it is kind of difficult for me.  I  mean with everything that is going on at home and just getting to post is bleh.  I have to get on a schedule or something.  Any tips?

Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day to all mothers out there!  I just had dinner with my mom and grandmother for my first Mothers day =) There are 4 generations of us =) Technically 5 because of my great great grandmother who lives in New Mexico. Either way I had a good day. I got my hair done and had a great dinner.  Athena is restless tonight. She hasnt had a GOOD nap all day long because she fights sleep so bad, so now she is pretty frustrated. I think she is finally giving in. I mean its been ALL day.

I got a surprise this morning at the door. >.<  I got Mothers Day flowers from my dad which made me feel pretty happy. I havnt gotten flowers like that before. I mean I wasnt expecting anything let alone from him. So that was nice. Really nice.

I guess cleaning is a never ending chore.  Sometimes I feel like my own worst enemy. I go through spurts of laziness and leave everything in my wake. Bleh, how annoying.